


My Shield of Armour

by cherylbarrel



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, Cheryl and Veronica friendship, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Heartbroken Cheryl, Heartbroken Toni, Hoodies, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up, Sharing Clothes, the fic where choni is broken up but cheryl's still wearing toni's hoodie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15038603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherylbarrel/pseuds/cherylbarrel
Summary: Prompt: Person A and Person B have been broken up for awhile now, but when Person B finds out Person A still wears their old hoodie like a shield of armour, all the feelings come rushing back.





	My Shield of Armour

Cheryl couldn't fall asleep anymore.

Not since they broke up. 

For two painful weeks, Cheryl spent her nights tossing and turning, desperately trying to cling onto a sleep that never took pity on her. 

She's passed out a couple times from pure exhaustion. She'd get a couple restless hours at best, before waking up with tears streaming down face, from either an unforgiving nightmare, or just plain cruelty on her body's part. 

It's bad. Cheryl's beginning to think she'll never sleep again, forced to become this dark eyed, nightmare ridden monster. She’s actually forgotten what falling asleep feels like by now. 

Cheryl always had trouble falling asleep. Ever since she was a little girl. However, her lack of sleep only worsened after Jason died. She used to get 3 or 4 hours a night at best, for months. 

That changed after she met Toni. 

When Cheryl was with Toni, sleep was never an issue. Even in the early stages of their relationship, before Toni moved into Thistlehouse with her, Cheryl always fell asleep peacefully after talking to Toni on the phone for hours. 

It was a nightly ritual for them. 

They always talked before bed. There were nights when Toni didn't get home from her shift at the Wyrm until after midnight, and she was always dead exhausted after these shifts, but still, she'd pick up the phone, and call her still very awake girlfriend, and they'd talk about everything and nothing until both falling asleep.

Once Toni moved into Thistlehouse, that wasn't an issue anymore. 

Cheryl slept even better after that. She got to spend every night in the other girl's arms, and she got to wake up every morning there too. 

The nightmares visited her less and less, and suddenly Cheryl had the sleep schedule of a normal person. 

But now, now she's fallen into her old habits. It feels like her past few months of decent sleep has all been a dream. 

In fact, her whole relationship with Toni feels that way. 

Like it was too good to be true. 

Cheryl always knew being with Toni was too good to be true. Cheryl has never, in her whole life, ever gotten something good, just because. There would always be a catch, or a condition, or a something. She'd been tricked time and time again, she'd been falsely promised to, she'd been lied to, and used, and nothing more than a disposable pawn in more games than she can count. 

Cheryl Blossom didn't get good things. She didn't deserve them. That much, she has learned. 

But, when Toni came into her life, persistent and unwilling to abide by the laws of Cheryl's self depreciation, there were moments when Cheryl truly believed maybe Toni was something good that would stay. 

She was wrong. 

She was always wrong. 

Toni left, and all Cheryl has left is her own nightmares and a broken heart for the hundredth time. 

Well, she has one other thing left actually. 

It's stupid, and maybe a little pathetic, but she's been holding on to one of Toni's hoodies that she left at her house. 

Part of her is tempted to get rid of it, to remove any piece of Toni that remains in her life. But she can't do that. She doesn't want to do that. 

For two weeks, she doesn't touch it. The warn sweater simply sits on her dresser. Seeing it is a weird form of comfort, but that's all. She tries not to think about it too much.

After two weeks, she's not feeling any better despite how many times Veronica tells her she'll be okay. 

Her heart hurts, she's barely getting by in school, and she still hasn't gotten any damn sleep. 

There's been a few times, momentary lapses in judgement is what Veronica likes to call them, when she tries to seek Toni out at school, desperate to just...see the other girl. 

But, since the breakup, Toni shows up even less frequently than she does, and on the few occasions she does spot the other girl in the hallways or the cafeteria, she's surrounded by serpents, and Cheryl doesn't have it in her to confront the girl with so many people watching. 

So they don't talk. They don't see each other. They haven't texted. It's radio silence, and neither girl has even an inkling of the pain it's inflicting in the other's heart. 

It's been two weeks, when Cheryl slips Toni's hoodie over her shoulders. 

She didn't even think about it much. 

She's in bed, it's the middle of the night, and she can't sleep. Her eyes are wet, and her nose is red, and she's clearly been crying but she honestly doesn't even feel it anymore. 

The covers are pushed off her body, and then she's up, strutting to her dresser, her socks padding against the floor beneath her. 

Cheryl slips the hoodie over her shoulders. She tries not to think about how it still smells like Toni. 

She stands still for a second, unsure of what to do, and a little surprised at her own impulsive action. 

The sweater is frayed, and multiple threads are loose at the sleeves. One of the drawstrings are longer than the other, and it's clear that Toni has had this beat up hoodie for years. 

Cheryl goes back to bed, this time hugging the stupid article of clothing closer to herself. 

Miraculously, she falls asleep. 

When she wakes up, it's to the sun peaking through her curtains, not from an unwanted nightmare. 

She pulls the sweater off herself, and throws it somewhere on the other side of her bedroom. 

With her hands pressed against her face, she thinks about Veronica's words. Momentary lapse in judgement. 

For a few days after that night, Cheryl tries to forget about the hoodie again. 

She hasn't even picked it up, and it haunts her just laying there on her bedroom floor. 

Under any other circumstance, Cheryl would hate the mess, but she just can't bring herself to so much as touch the sweater for a second time. 

That is until a few days later when she caves and puts it on again before falling asleep. 

She learns that the first night wasn't some fluke, and that this dumb sweater really is the answer to a good night's rest. 

After that she starts wearing the hoodie all the time. 

She doesn't wear it at school, for fear of Toni seeing her, but even then, it's sitting in her locker or shoved in her bag. 

On the morning of the first full month since the breakup, Cheryl goes to school with the black hoodie tucked into her backpack. 

Veronica is waiting by her locker, as she often does these past few weeks. 

"Hey," Veronica smiles simply at her. 

"Hey, Ronnie," she replies, trying to sound as genuine as possible. 

She really is thankful for how much Veronica has been there for her through the breakup, but she still can't help but wish it was a different girl she was talking to. 

"So, it's Archie's birthday this weekend," Veronica continues, standing idly by as Cheryl opens her lockers and grabs a couple books. 

"He convinced me to throw a party at mine, you should come," she tells Cheryl, "We can get drunk, and completely disregard Betty when she goes into protective mom mode." 

It's a nice thought, and Cheryl appreciates the sentiment. She isn't sure if she's exactly up for a party right now though. Lately, she hasn't been up for much of anything. 

"No serpents allowed," Veronica added a little more quietly, "I promise." 

"Can I think about it, Ronnie?" Cheryl asks, and Veronica notices how hesitant she sounds. It's so unlike Cheryl. The hesitance and vulnerability in her every word. 

"Of course," she nods, "Whatever you want, Cher." 

"Thanks," Cheryl attempts a smile. She has no idea how to show Veronica her appreciation, as she's always been terrible at displaying her emotions, but she tries her best and hopes her friend can fill in the lines. 

Veronica can. She gently grabs Cheryl's forearm in a sign of comfort, as the redhead closes her locker. 

They're about to head off to the lounge, as they still have some time before the first bell, however, before they can, a couple of rowdy serpents come stalking their way. 

"Hey Blossom!" One of them calls, looking anything but friendly. 

Cheryl recognizes the two boys from the Wyrm. She was never actually introduced to them, or ever even talked to them. The only reason they're somewhat familiar is because Cheryl remembers feeling their uncomfortable gazes on her more often than once. At first, she wasn't exactly welcomed in serpent territory with open arms, being a Blossom and all. However, after more of them got to know her, and she got closer with Toni and her friends, everyone seemed to accept her, or at the very least leave her alone. Cheryl always felt like these boys didn't quite qualify as "everyone" though. 

They reach the two girls, one of them moving into Cheryl's space as the other one does the same to Veronica.

"You aren't so brave without your girlfriend to protect you huh?" The boy speaks, and he sounds equal parts amused as angry. 

"What do you want?" She questions him, feeling less than equipped to deal with this right now. 

On any other day, Cheryl could be confronted with some asshole, and immediately flip on the HBIC attitude. She hated to be walked all over, and although her bitchy persona caused her more problems than it was worth, the one thing it was always good for was making her immune to being perceived as an easy target. 

She hasn't been that girl in a long time now though. 

Some may call her weaker, she likes to think she's just more human now, but perhaps that inherently equals weaker. 

"What do I want?" He repeats with an insincere chuckle. 

"I want everything that the Blossoms ever took from me and my family back," he says the name with so much hatred, getting closer to Cheryl in the process. 

"But I guess I can settle for you," he finishes by reaching into his pocket and taking out his switchblade. 

Cheryl tries to move away, but he grabs her and pins her to the lockers before she can. 

Veronica tries to call out for help, but the other boy quickly grasps his hand over her mouth, and the hallway is empty. 

"You may have fooled everyone else, had them all thinking you would actually help us," the boy bitterly spits out, "but you'll always be a selfish bitch who only helps herself. It's in your fucking blood after all." 

The words hurt more than any knife ever could. 

It's Cheryl's biggest fear, being just another Blossom. She despises the name, and everyone with it, including herself. She wants to be different, she wants to be better than a Blossom, but maybe that's not possible. Maybe she's destined to be this way. Evil. Selfish. _Loveless._

She feels it getting harder to breathe, and thinks maybe she's having a panic attack. 

It's awful timing, considering she's about to be stabbed and all, but she feels her heart rate accelerate and her head feels lighter, and she just can't fucking breathe. 

The next thing she knows, the mass of the boy pinning her down is gone. 

One minute she's being held against the lockers, and the next she's free, as the boy drops to the ground. 

She doesn't even think about it.

She runs away. 

Anywhere but here. 

-

Toni groans a little at the pain that shoots up her hand after punching that asshole. 

Sweet Pea does the same to the guy holding Veronica, and then both of them are on the ground. 

"What the fuck!" The first one exclaims raising his hand up to his now bloody nose. 

Toni kneels down and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, getting up into his face as she speaks her next works as seriously as she has ever spoken before, "You better stay the hell away from her, I promise you if you so much as look at her again, I'll break a lot more than your nose."

"Whatever," he grits out, as him and his friend pathetically get up and leave the school with clenched fists and huffy swears under their breaths. 

"You okay?" Sweet Pea asks Veronica. 

She's a little shaken up but still she nods anyway. 

"Yeah, thanks you guys," she says earnestly. 

Toni isn't really paying her much attention. 

She's only now realizing Cheryl disappeared as she was too occupied with punching a guy to notice before. 

She starts walking in the direction she thinks the redhead went in, but suddenly a hand on her chest stops her. 

"Listen Toni, I appreciate you saving us," Veronica starts carefully, "but I don't think that's such a good idea." 

She doesn't need to say it. None of them do. The determined look on Toni's face is all too familiar. 

"I need to," Toni stubbornly replies. "They were only after her because I brought a Blossom into our circle, this is my mess to fix." 

It's a good enough excuse, and maybe her audience would believe her if they weren't Sweet Pea and Veronica. 

They see through her so easily. They see the real reason in her eyes, they see the, "Please, I just want to see her. I need to see her," even if she won't say it. 

"If you hurt her," Veronica begins telling her with a dangerous look. 

"I won't," Toni interjects. 

Veronica gets a good look at the girl in front of her in that moment, and she notices the dark circles around her eyes that resemble Cheryl's so closely, she recognizes the exhaustion in her voice, and the heartbreak written on her face. 

"I won't," she repeats quietly, shaking her head like the mere idea is the craziest thing she's ever heard. 

"Okay," Veronica agrees after a few more seconds. 

She steps aside, out of Toni's way, and just hopes she isn't making a mistake. 

-

Cheryl hid out in the locker room. 

It was the one place she knew would be empty this early in the morning, as the only people who ever use it before 9am are the River Vixens. 

She sat in front of a row of lockers, trying to steady her breathing, and miserably failing. 

Her whole chest felt too tight, and her head’s so fuzzy it made it almost impossible to focus on anything. 

She knows she’s crying, but could barely feel the tears rolling down her cheeks as she was too distracted with the roaring pain in her heart. 

On instinct, she pulls the frayed hoodie out of her backpack, and slips it on. 

She didn't know what else to do. 

All she did know, was that the faint scent of Toni left in the fabric was comforting, and the small reminder of the other girl made her feel safe. 

Cheryl's so utterly hung up on Toni, and she knows she needs to start moving on, because Toni doesn't want her anymore and never will, but Cheryl's convinced she'll still be in love with her until the day she dies. 

She draws her knees up to her chest, and cries into the sleeves of Toni's sweater. 

Everything feels like too much. 

-

When Toni enters the room, she was expecting Cheryl to be upset, but the sight she's met with is heartbreaking. 

The girl is so small and broken, and it reminds Toni of their first couple encounters. 

Since then, Cheryl had grown so much, and seeing her like this again floods Toni with more guilt and pain than she knew was possible. 

Toni recognizes that the other girl is having a panic attack, and knows she has to do something. 

"Cheryl?" She softly questions, while she kneels down in front of the other girl, and slings her bag down beside her. 

Cheryl is a little startled at the presence, but is too far gone in her panic attack to really focus on Toni. 

"Hey, hey, look at me, Cher," Toni says gently, but with a little more urgency than before. 

She takes both of Cheryl's wrists in her hands and pulls them away from her face so she's forced to look up. 

As Toni grips the sleeves of the other girl's sweater, she suddenly notices something. 

Cheryl's wearing her hoodie. 

She'd honestly forgotten about this hoodie, but seeing Cheryl in it now, it bombards her with a rush of familiar feelings she isn’t prepared for. 

Toni used to love when Cheryl wore her clothes, and she can't help but feel the same way as she sees her in her sweater now.

She couldn't dwell on it in the moment though, she blinked a couple times to bring her back to her mission at hand. 

Cheryl’s watery eyes met Toni's, as she quietly gasped for air. 

Toni moved one of her hands up to cup Cheryl's cheek. 

"Breathe with me, please hun, just breathe," Toni coaxed, taking deep breaths, waiting until Cheryl could match her.

Cheryl tried following Toni's lead, slowly feeling her chest untighten as Toni stroked her cheek, and repositioned her other hand so that the pair were holding hands.

"That's it," Toni spoke after a moment when Cheryl finally took a steady breath. 

"You're doing so good, I'm so proud of you," Toni whispers, moving her face in closer to Cheryl's, starting to feel her own tears threaten to spill. 

"T-Toni," Cheryl shakedly speaks, only now really grasping that the other girl is truly in front of her, and she isn't just imagining it. 

"Shhh," Toni hushs, moving her hand through Cheryl's hair. "It's okay, it's okay," she repeats for her sake, or Cheryl's, she couldn't be sure. 

"Just keep breathing, can you do that for me sweetie?" 

Cheryl nodded. 

Toni's sitting so close that as Cheryl moves her head down it ends up resting on the other girl's shoulder. 

Toni doesn't mind one bit, and only scoots forward even more to further accommodate her. 

She strokes her hand through Cheryl's hair, and rests her chin on the top of the girls head. 

After a few quiet moments of this, Cheryl, still a little shaky, and a lot teary, mumbles out a broken, "It hurts, Toni." 

She's talking about so much more than just the panic attack. 

"I know," Toni tells her. Because she does. She knows exactly how bad it hurts. 

"I like your hoodie," she says on impulse. 

Cheryl moves her face a little down like she's embarrassed. 

"Don't," it sounds like a plea. "Don't say stuff like that." 

Toni swallows nervously. "You're wearing my clothes a month after we broke up, what am I supposed to say," it's not at all accusatory, her words are soft and curious. 

Cheryl pulls back, and Toni removes her hand to give her some space. 

"Just don't say things that give me hope," Cheryl says sadly, meeting Toni’s eyes as she does. 

"But what if I mean them," Toni responds, feeling a spike of courage as she stares at the girl she knows she still loves.

"Toni," Cheryl starts desperately, no doubt preparing to tell Toni to stop playing with her feelings. 

"I'm serious," Toni interrupts her.

"This past month," Toni sighs deeply, "has been hell." 

Cheryl drops her head again, unable to look at Toni as she feels more tears slide down her cheeks. 

"We already tried, it didn't work remember?" Cheryl hated the words coming out of her mouth. 

She loves Toni, she would give anything to be with Toni again, but she's so scared. Cheryl's terrified of setting herself up to be hurt again and again. 

"We didn't try hard enough," Toni argues.

"Being with you, was the happiest I have ever been, Cheryl. You are still the greatest thing to ever happen to me, I don't want to throw that away," Toni speaks with such sincerity it's beginning to overwhelm Cheryl. 

"Toni I," she feels her voice crack, and knows all chance of pulling herself together is long gone once again, "I can't lose you a second time. I won't survive it." 

"I can't promise you that you won't," Toni's fully crying now too, "But I can promise you that I want to give everything I have to us. I can promise you that I want to do better. I can promise you that I love you, and never stopped." 

Cheryl flies into Toni's arms after the words leave her lips, and the two both hug each other so tight, terrified of letting go. 

They sit there, 2 broken girls on the locker room floor, first period well on it's way, and they don't know what they're going to do, but they know they love each other, and for them, that's all they need.

**Author's Note:**

> i never said why cheryl and toni broke up because i thought it would be better to leave that up to the reader's interpretation. 
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed it. check me out on tumblr, i make choni text and social media edits! @cheryl-in-a-barrel


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